I've had many thoughts muddling my mind today. Twice, now, I've been surprised at the way I've been treated, when someone I've been seeing suddenly decides to end things without talking it through first.
In the world of D/s Doms seem to get endless instructions and rules on how to behave. Ironic, I know, but I also accept it's necessary. You wouldn't put a flight plan into the hands of a passenger. One such instruction is to treat your sub with great respect and to attempt to connect mentally before connecting physically.
Each person is different and each needs a different depth of connection. Some subs are happy to have just enough of a connection to trust their Dom. Other subs need something more emotional, something closer to a friendship.
I've had plenty of conversations with G to reach a position where we're both comfortable with the level of friendship I develop with a sub. As far as I'm concerned I have always upheld my end of the bargain with those I'm with; I could offer that deeper level of connection, as well as the experience and (still (always) developing) knowledge of a Dom. I made myself available to talk with.
Which brings me to the pain. Treachery is too strong a word, but it feels like something close to it. I give a lot only for it to be thrown back in my face.
And so? My heart is growing harder. I'll tell myself to care less for the subs I'm with outside of the times that we play. I'll try to remove the emotion from what we're doing. No more getting too close to people.