Monday, 29 February 2016


I was stood up on Friday night. I'd arranged several weeks ago to meet this person. They had chosen the date, I had chosen the location. On the night, after waiting for a while and getting some excellent advice from Twitter, I sent a final message and left. Over an hour later the date sent me a message saying that she had forgotten about it because it had been arranged so long ago.

Several months ago I had agreed a date with someone I'd played with a few times before. A couple of days before we were due to meet she told me she had decided to go to a work party instead and so plans for yet another Friday were ruined because of another's selfishness and cowardice. At least on that occasion I'd saved myself a trip to god-awful Putney.

A little further back I had been seeing someone who, a few days after playing, told me that I didn't communicate enough between meetings. I said that I had held back as she may not want that level of closeness but that I'd be happy to talk more. She responded that she thought this a perfect example of my lack of communication.

I've mentioned before that I'm not looking for full-on relationships, but that I do welcome, or even require, something more substantial than just occasional play with zero communication in-between. Getting to know a person's mind makes getting to know their body all the more fulfilling.

But I feel that I risk leading people on if I communicate too much. For some this isn't a concern as they understand my situation. On more than a few occasions, though, I'm accused of not communicating enough when the accusers themselves have never once initiated a conversation.

Times like this can be tough. But the good times, when they happen, are still rewarding enough to make the tough times entirely worthwhile. For now, though, I have to respect myself a bit more and make others work a bit harder or cut out of my life those who don't even bother to respond to dates for meeting up.

1 comment:

  1. In the world of casual sex, it is hard to strike the balance between perfunctory attachment and false intent. FWB is a shifting state, not always easy to grasp.