Friday, 25 May 2018

All da feelz

Yesterday I spent a very pleasant evening with an ex who I'd very much fallen in love with as my sub, but now love as a friend. I'm not quite over the fact we'll never be anything more, but I'm trying, and I think I'm getting there. The melancholy I felt after parting went less deep than it had before.

Shortly before we met I was starting to arrange a second date with someone I'd had an enjoyable first date with the day before. We both had fun getting to know one another and I'm excited about what could be.

Just before that I'd arranged to catch up with someone who I've seen for so long now without it going anywhere that I no longer think we're dating, but probably just hanging out because we like each other's company. I feel unsure about that, but it's no bad thing.

On the bus home I was hit by that occasional thumping realisation that G was far away from me and we'd not be seeing each other for many more days. I felt lonely, sad but comforted that such feelings were a reaffirmation of how good we are together. We've been together for 185 months and doubt very, very rarely creeps in to our relationship.

Love, melancholy, uncertainty, excitement, loneliness, sadness and comfort all within the space of a couple of hours. I may be losing it, but right now I like to think that I'm truly living life by experiencing such a rich variety of feelings. 


  1. Yes much better to have the capacity to feel so much than to not ...

    1. Exactly. I can accept the bad if it means I experience the good.