I fell in love. That hadn't ever been the plan. In fact I'd always made it clear that, whilst closeness was important, I couldn't ever offer a 'proper' full-on relationship due to my open marriage agreements. But some things are out of our control.
We'd met on OK Cupid, where I've been fortunate to meet many wonderful people. But A was different. We had so much in common. We very much enjoyed each other's company beyond the ropes, whips and handcuffs. This isn't to say that the sex and BDSM wasn't good. It was spectacular, it was mind-blowing, it was painfully memorable. I took her to sub space, she took me to a whole other plain of Dom pleasure.
Top London hotels were our dungeons. I picked a new one each time, setting a minefield of excruciating loss for after it ended. Places I still find it hard to walk past. As I said goodbye following our last play session I sensed something was up. Sure enough the 'can we talk' message arrived.
We talked. She ended it. I explained that I couldn't cope with being no more than friends. We both confessed that it had felt like love.
"Maybe I'll bump into you in some city somewhere, some time." I said, knowing this was it. "In another life maybe things would have worked out differently between us."
Tears flowed copiously.
My wife was incredibly supportive. She even suggested updates to our relationship agreements in case being closer to my secondary would help. I was hugely grateful but no longer saw any hope.
Over a week later and my misery still hadn't lifted. I let her know that I'd acted too hastily and that I would like to at least try remaining friends. I'm very glad that I did. We don't meet often but when we do we enjoy ourselves immensely. I won't ever stop loving her, but hopefully one day I will be fully satisfied to do so as no more than a friend. Should that deeper feeling never go away then it may be time to say goodbye forever.
Wednesday, 27 December 2017
It's been over 20 months since I last blogged. This site was, as far I was concerned, finished but kept alive for the memories. Maybe it's now time to revive it. After all, a lot has happened since and, hopefully, there will be plenty more to come...